The Trouble Is

The trouble is I can't see what the trouble is

with a troubled mind everything seems troubled

Trying to control the chaos

is causing more chaos

I look and I can't see

I ask for guidance and none comes
I listen and no voice speaks
all I can hear is the confusion of my own mind
and the beating of my heart as each moment passes
and more of me fades into the background of what was once a life

I want

and the more I want the less I have
I think of one thing and ten conflicting thoughts arise
Indecision rules

I have given a voice to my sadness

and my joy is nowhere to be seen

Every day is the same day

every night I call out from the confines of my mind
to the eternal darkness
and the silence overwhelms me

I hurt and I have caused hurt

and the hurt that I have caused hurts the most
and caused the deepest wounds to my soul

In the depths of my being a silent fury grows

one day it will explode like a volcano

Is there meaning in the meaninglessness

truth in the doubt
or sense amongst all the confusion

This is not a poem

this is not a story
this is what it is and I offer it to you as such
this is just me
uncensored and unedited

Make of it what you will