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Monday 24 December 2018

Christmas Morning 2017: 6.25 am.

I wrote this last Christmas morning, exactly as the title says, and I am sharing it with you now. It was one of twenty-five prose poems I submitted for the creative suite of my MA Creative Writing dissertation.
It will be the last post on this blog, or rather this manifestation of this blog. In the New Year it will be updated and renewed, just as I have grown and developed with my writing. I'll probably migrate to a more suitable platform. Whatever I do I'll keep you informed, dear readers. Best wishes for your festive season, however you celebrate it, and remember it's okay not to be okay. It's okay to take time out to look after yourself, to withdraw and be silent. To write poetry. Love and light to you all.

Christmas Morning 2017: 6.25 am.
Waking to coughing from the flat below, a dripping tap, a ticking clock, the fridge knocking as it goes about its fridgy business: cough cough: drip drop: tick tock: knock knock:  cough drip: drop tock: cough knock: tock tock. Some of my shirts need ironing. I wish I could spend all my time reading. 
Somewhere in the world a woman is crying. Nothing will console her. The words of a man will not console her. The nurse holding a dying man’s hand is so in grief she cannot remember why she does this. Who will console her? Horses in fields the world over whinny. In a tower somewhere an ancient enchanter casts a spell. The woman crying is impervious to it; the whinnying horses do not care. 
The child in me wants to play; wants to call for my friends, take sandwiches and a sugary drink and sit around a tree stump saying rude things. In some houses, wide eyed children will be opening more presents than I received my entire childhood, whilst in others whole families will not eat. Each year the chasm deepens. 

Wednesday 19 September 2018

A True Story About Books In A Suitcase And A Teenage Boy

The seven books over seven days challenge on facebook has awaken another book related memory that I wanted to share, as I find talking about books interesting and is one of the pleasures I miss from my public library days and, before that, my reading group days. Also, the people that are sharing and challenging on facebook may find it interesting too. Of course they may not, but that's never stopped me writing anything before. *Laughing face emoji.* So gather round my social media chums and listen to my story. *Smiley face emoji with maybe a winking face one too?*


Once upon a time, in the dark days and even darker nights of the 1970s; before social media, before smart phones and laptops; when there were just three television channels: BBC1, BBC2, and ITV, that stopped broadcasting overnight and had only been broadcasting in colour for a couple of years (I know, right?); in a council house that was owned by the local council before a wicked witch cast an evil spell that confused common people into believing they had a right to buy the council house they lived in (and caused a housing shortage and even homelessness in years to come), the King family lived in a crescent named after the author of Robinson Crusoe, at No. 44.

The eldest child, a handsome, intelligent and misunderstood teenage boy used to enjoy reading the books that were in a brown suitcase belonging to his father, an ogre who lived in the local public house and who every now and then would pop home for a visit between pints, for some food and to break wind violently, often blowing the back door off its hinges and frightening the elderly lady that lived next door.

Why the books were in a suitcase we will never know, and the boy never asked, just took it for granted. Here is the story of some of those books, and the handsome, intelligent, muscular boy (look, it's my story, okay) that read them...

              I remember Mario Puzo's 1969 The Godfather. I can see the black cover as clearly now as  I could then, with its large white writing and puppet-controlling hand. It was/is a brilliant book filled with descriptive sex and violence, and one hell of a story. Just the thing for a teenage boy. I never saw the equally brilliant 1972 film until I was in my thirties, but I do remember mum and dad going to see it one evening, one of the rare times they went out together. (Perhaps the pub was closed?).

Whilst most of the books in dad's suitcase were paperbacks, I remember three hardback ones; Born Free, Living Free and Forever Free. Joy Adamson's story of Elsa the lioness and her three cubs Jespah, Gopa and Little Elsa. Published respectively in 1960 (the year I was born), 1961 and 1962. Again made into films starring Virginia McKenna as Joy and Bill Travers as her husband George. I don't know if these three books, filled with black and white photographs were original copies or not, but I wish I still had them. They were beautiful.

The other hardback I remember was Thor Heyerdahl's 1948 The Kon-Tiki Expedition, the story of the 1947 journey across the Pacific Ocean in a raft made from balsa wood, containing Heyerdahl himself and a small team. What greater adventure story for a teenage boy. There have been television documentaries and a film. I doubt very much if this book was the original as it was published in Norwegian.

Back to paperbacks now and the Get Smart series, written by William Johnston, based on the hugely successful 1960s American comedic secret agent spoof TV series featuring Maxwell Smart, aka agent 86, and his female accomplice agent 99, who's real name is never revealed. Before the age of mobile phones Max had a phone in his shoe, which he had to take off to answer, and access to intelligence agency CONTROL's underground headquarters was from a public telephone box. There were a few full-length films made, by far the best of which is the 2008 film starring Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway as agents 86 and 99. I remember reading these books and genuinely laughing out loud, a few decades before LOL was even a thing. So there. If only I had a penny for every LOL. Oh well.

I remember the sun reflecting off one lens of a pair of sunglasses on the 1970 Pan Books cover of  Colonel Sun. Originally published in 1968 by Kingsley Amis, writing as Robert Markham, the first of the so called continuation James Bond novels published after Ian Fleming's death in 1964. I'm certain some of Fleming's Bond books were in the suitcase as well. I've always preferred the written Bond to the screen bond, with its over-emphasis on the gadgets and the women. You get a real feel for the flawed Bond, and his relationship with M, none of which comes across on the big screen. A few years ago, during one of my low periods, I re-read all fourteen of Fleming's Bond books, in order of publication. An absolute treat. I also bought a copy of Colonel Sun from eBay. Not the sunglasses cover sadly, but a 1978 Triad Paperbacks version. It says on the back cover; "Colonel Sun is an exciting, violent, sadistic and sexy piece of reading matter." So there!

I also remember John Gardner's 1964 The Liquidator, featuring British secret agent Boysie Oakes, and perhaps a couple of others from that series. Also a film; etc. I can't really remember much about the books, though Gardner went on to pen sixteen 'continuation' James Bond novels in the 1980s and early part of the 1990s, two more than Fleming wrote.

There were several Westerns, many of which I read and none of which I can remember either an author or a title. Which says everything you need to know about them I guess. I did enjoy a good Western though, in the days before I learnt the truth about Cowboys and Indians, and the reality broke the spell.

I'm sure there are one or two I will have forgotten, and will wake up at three in the morning exclaiming "Aha! there was that one." But for now, dear reader, that's enough about dad's suitcase of books and some that I read. I don't know what happened to it, or the books in it.

Thanks for reading.




Tuesday 24 July 2018

This Is Just To Say


(With sincerest apologies to William Carlos Williams )


I threw out

the limp lettuce

that was in

your fridge


and which

you were probably

going to put

in your sandwich


I also sold

that old red wheelbarrow

(the one the dog

keeps pooing in)

on ebay


Forgive me

it’s this heat

Tuesday 10 July 2018

Brexit-turds of Turd Hall

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, aka BoJo, to use his own terminology is by far the biggest turd that has ever graced the British political scene with its foul presence. Not just any old turd either, but one of those big, nasty floaters that won't flush away and, even when you eventually break it up with a stick it still won't go, and now it's on the stick as well causing even more turdishness. Big Boris Johnson; loathsome, privileged, self-serving, scheming, bigoted, racist, back-stabbing and a bully; have I missed anything?

Whilst we're on the subject of turds, if I was to be pressed for a Brexit top-five-turds, seeing as this has all happened and is still happening directly in relation to Brexit (how do you choose just five?). I would say that number two (snigger) in the Brexit-turd-stakes would have to be modern day Oswald Mosley wannabe, dead-fish-flinger and The Donald's personal turd, Mr Brexit himself, Nigel Farrage. Having halfheartedly flushed himself away several times, he keeps popping out from the u-bend and floating back to the surface to promote his numerous campaigns; Brexit, Brexit and, oh, Brexit; how nobody is enabling Brexit, without himself making one positive contribution to the debate just insulting and criticising everyone except himself, making any agreement far less likely. And also promoting the rise of the far-right in Europe.

Squeezing in (or out, to keep the turd analogies going) at number three is Hard-Brexiter and professional Victorian, the funereal Jacob Rees-Log. Bessie mates with Nigel, along with Nanny and God on his side would rather see women die than have an abortion, or be forced to give birth to a child conceived through rape.

Brexit-turd number four is clumsy curtseyer and thousand-pound leather trouser wearer, the Right Honourable Theresa May, Member of Parliament for Maidenhead (snigger) and Prime Minister of the not-so United Kingdom, for another week-or-so anyway until a couple of the above mentioned Brexit-turds shove their turd-stained knives into her back. Noted for, amongst other highlights, calling an election that lost her parties parliamentary majority; clinging to power with a billion pound bribe to a party of ten MPs who, amongst other charming policies, are anti the gay marriage that her predecessor David Cameron introduced, and repeating the phrase 'Brexit means Brexit' without actually knowing what Brexit does mean or how to bring it about.

Number five on the Brexit turd scale, amongst a stinking muddy-brown pool of turds,  would have to be the dead-pig-shagging ex MP and PM David Cameron. Remember him? Gave us 'that' referendum then, showing his true colours and leadershit skills , buggered off leaving, as turds often do, a dirty skid-mark for others to clean up.

Whilst I'm at it, I want to make special mention of The Right (Left) Honourable Jeremy Corbyn MP, Leader of the Opposition. I can't quite bring myself to honour him with full Brexit-turd status, but recognise him as someone who had the opportunity to send the Brexit-turds a full-on, seismic, crack-splitting Butt-Bazooka, but instead chose perhaps the wettest fart known to humankind.


Sunday 18 March 2018

Lost Chaucer Poem Rediscovered

Whilst researching for my dissertation I've uncovered, in a dusty old poetry collection on the shelves at the Albert Sloman Library at Essex University, a long forgotten Chaucer poem. Really exciting and surprisingly topical. Seems life wasn't much different in Medieval England than it is now!



Snowwe
Walkyng along these frozen streetes,
myne feete doth ayche, myne bownes doth creeke.
Ey canethnot feele myne fyngers or towes,
icicles hangeth from myne nose.
Ey feeles so saddeth ey wannte to crie,
amongst a charnel howse to lye.
Twas happenstance that ey didde fynd,
summe nectar forre myne troubled mynd.
Nothing doth mayke a sadde harte glowe,
than a cocke and balles drawyn inn thee snowwe.
Geoffrey Chaucer 1369