A piece of whimsy (based on factual events) that I wrote and read at Firstsite Gallery, along with others, on Friday 3rd November 2017, as part of a readings evening to raise money for EducAid.
The scene: A day of writing at the family house, whilst I am waiting in for a delivery. There are two things present in the house that I do not have in my flat; a Staffordshire Bull Terrier and a telly...
Arrive at the house
Get licked all over
By a very
excited Staffie.
Play with her
Until she settles
Which takes forever.
Make myself a cuppa
With biscuits for dunking
Get my writing stuff out
All over the table.
Write a few words down
Oh, what’s that one I’m looking for?
After a while
Get a bit distracted.
Scroll through the Sky menu.
Watch George Gently,
And American Pickers,
And Hercule Poirot,
And Wheeler Dealers,
(converting a vintage Chevy
a ’54 stepside).
Answer the door
Sign for the parcel
Play with the Staffie
(Who was woken by the delivery)
Until she settles
Which takes forever.
Make another cuppa
Eat a pack of kit kat snacks
Think about my cholesterol.
Write a few more words down
Is this a poem
Or a piece of flash fiction?
Have a little nap
Because writing is tiring
(that’s my excuse).
Get woken by the Staffie
Let her in the garden
Play ball with her
Until she settles
Which takes forever.
Make another cuppa
With some biscuits for dunking
Write a few more words down.
Why is it so hard
to say what I want to?
After a while
Get a bit distracted.
Start thinking about swords
That poem about Excalibur
I still haven’t written.
Try to remember
the name of Frodo’s sword
in Lord of the Rings
(that turns blue when Orcs are near).
Go on google
It’s called Sting
And it’s only a dagger,
Then go on you tube
And listen to some Police songs.
Make another cuppa
With some biscuits for dunking
Write a few more words down.
After a while
Get stuck with the story.
Read through what I’ve written
Think about my writing
Wish that I was better.
Have a pity-party
Indulge in some pointless
Self-recrimination.
Realise I’m being stared at
By a playful Staffie.
Give her some attention
Until she settles
Which takes forever.
Realise I’m hungry.
Make myself a sandwich
And another cuppa.
I’ve eaten all the biscuits
so no more for dunking.
Make the Staffies dinner
Hope that she’ll stop pestering
While I eat my sarnie
And drink my cuppa
There’s not a hope in hell
Of that happening
She’s a multi-tasker
Where food is concerned.
Where has the time gone?
The day has flown by
I’ve managed to do some writing
Which will need an edit
And then another one
But that’s for another day
It’s bloody never ending
Why did I choose writing?
Pack all my things up
Then do the washing up
Hide the empty biscuit wrapper
In the bottom of the bin.
Hope no one notices.
Try to say goodbye
To the lovely Staffie
Who just wants to play
So we get her ball
I chase her round the room
Then she chases me.
Put the kettle on again
Make another cuppa.
Sit on the sofa
While she curls up on my lap
And starts snoring.
Get my book out
I’ll be here for a while now
Anyway there’s no hurry
Before I know it
I’m snoring too.
Writing days are lovely
With a sleepy Staffie
If I’m very lucky
There’ll be another soon.
And I can do more writing
And drink more tea
With biscuits for dunking.
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