It'll Never Happen

You can bet your life that, no, no. Stop. Don’t bet your life. I’ll start again. 

You can guarantee that, beyond a shadow of a doubt (whatever that means) if you post something on social media, or mention in conversation, an idea you might have about something, or a suggestion, or even just a wish, that sooner rather than later, someone will pop up and say ‘It’ll never happen’. 

They may, depending where they are on the patronising scale, prefix it with ‘It’s a nice thought but’ and then either give a patronising explanation why it will never happen, or just leave it there. A verbal/written patronising pat on the head. Or give you the eye roll whilst smiling and trying not to laugh patronisingly (whilst you try not to poke them in the eye).

Then others may join in, because people like to join in when the joke is on someone else, and before long you’ve got a whole chorus of ‘It’ll never happens’ for your collection.

This isn’t a new thing. As long as there’s been people around  prepared to have ideas, vision, think about how things could be improved etc there’s been a queue of ‘It’ll never happeners' just waiting to deliver their extraordinarily wise missive. They’ll even write it down for you, because they’ve only got your best interests at heart. 

‘It’ll never happen’.

And then it happens.

You know, that thing they said would never happen. Not in a million years. Well it just happened. The million years limit must be up. 

Because, oh my flipping god, that thing happened. ‘Hey, hey Gloria, you know that thing we said would never happen (no, YOU said, Gloria was imagining your funeral and what music she would play, and the big party afterwards, and her holiday to the Caribbean) well it’s only happened. What’s gone wrong with the world?

I wonder sometimes if there isn’t a critical mass point that, when reached, means ‘It’ll never happen’ has to now happen. Perhaps because so many people are thinking about it, giving it energy, that perversely it gets brought to life. Some universal law of cause and effect that conspires to bring about what we pay attention to, regardless of perceived positive or negative connotations. If you want to make something happen, get enough people saying that it won’t and, hey presto, here it is. The great cosmic magician has heard, your not wished for is his/her command.

And then, when the thing they said would never happen happens, well, guess what? Patronising party time. It’s our turn now.

‘Hey, hey, you know that thing you said that would never happen, well screw you’ and we can bathe in our own patronising. Light patronising candles and play patronising music. Oh this feels good.

Until, of course, the thing happens that WE said would never happen. Then it’s a completely different story. 

‘Everyone’s an idiot, what’s wrong with people, the world’ (sound familiar?).

So now it’s time to step it up. Phase two of ‘It’ll never happen’ comes into effect.

We need to ‘make sure it never happens again.’ And boy are we serious about this. What the hell where THEY thinking making that thing we said would never happen happen. They’ll be sorry.

Already we’ve forgotten that something happened they didn’t want to happen that we did. Swings and roundabouts as they say.

And once something has happened it can’t unhappen. We can’t take it back. Whether we want to or not. However many committees we form or letters we write. Or memes we post on social media.

And then, whilst we’re busy either celebrating something that’s happened that we wanted to happen, that someone else said would never happen, or commiserating for something that we said would never happen that has happened, something happens somewhere that we had never even considered never happening. Just like that. A complete new happening.

And then what are we supposed to do? 

What’s phase three?

Whatever happens in life, chances are that someone, somewhere, never thought it would happen, and someone, or a group of someone’s, made it happen.

When something happens we have choices. We can react against it and fight it, find a way to use it to our advantage, or just accept it and get on with our life. 

Whatever way we choose, it’s happened.