I Read It Somewhere

I read this at Colchester Sixth form college Readings Evening on Friday 8th July 2016. A fundraising evening for EducAid a charity raising funds for education in Sierra Leone. I was one of several performing and £350 was raised. Thanks to Eddie Ross and Jim Pey for organising and comparing. I think this is better listened to than read as I can give the emphasis where I need to. But enjoy it anyway, it's purely for fun....

I Read It Somewhere

Our bodies are made up of 60% water

or is it 75 or 83?

Something like that.

More sea than land anyway

just like the earth itself.

Each of us a microcosm

It’s why the moon effects our moods

as it does the oceans tides.

The lunar in the lunatic

and why we feel at peace near streams and brooks.

I read it somewhere.

Our bodies don’t end at our skin

there are aural bodies that surround us

if you believe that sort of thing.

Our physical bodies inhabit our spiritual souls

but our arseholes are part of our physical bodies.

Some arseholes stand for election to positions of power

and other arseholes come along and vote for them.

Some of us simply can’t be arsed.

I read it somewhere once that holding in farts can cause bad breath

and that it’s impossible to hold your breath until you die.

There’s two breath related gems for you.

I read it somewhere that when cars were first invented

people thought that if we drove at speeds of over 20mph

the force would crush our bodies.

We’re all one thought away from greatness or madness.

I read that somewhere too.

When we are asleep

the tiny people that live inside us wake up and walk around 

clearing up the mess we’ve made,

But when we’re drunk 

the fumes from the alcohol in our blood makes them dizzy

so they bump into each other and drop things.

That’s why we get hangovers.

I’m not sure where I read that.

Don’t believe everything you read

I definitely read that somewhere

Everything is made of atoms

all life on Earth

and atoms are made from stars gone supernova 

exploding throughout time and space.

The cosmos is within us

we’re all connected

all made of stardust

I read it somewhere and it’s true

although I've simplified it a bit

If I could wish for something to read 

that I haven't read yet,

I would pass it forward to our children’s children so they could read how

their grandparents generation realised nothing would change unless they stopped being arseholes and become change themselves and that was how the world woke up 

and that is how they came to be living

war and poverty free lives 

of equality

and unlimited possibilities 

That’s the book I’m writing.

What's the plan?

So that nice Mr Farage has resigned as UKIP leader. The same UKIP he resigned from briefly in 2009 and then again after the 2015 general election because he couldn't get elected as an MP, but then stayed because they said 'Please don't go Nige'.

His work is done and we've 'Taken our country back'. But he's going to keep attending the European Parliament as an MEP (on a very nice salary thank you very much). The same European Parliament that he's spent the last twenty years of his life campaigning against because they are telling us what to do and are evil. But he's not a career politician and is a 'Radical'. The man who shamed us all has no shame.

David Cameron, who promised us the EU referendum to get himself elected as prime minister again (and did) has resigned now it didn't go his way and left the Tory party to sort things out. Even though he promised he would stay and serve the decision of the electorate. The same electorate that elected him in the first place, on the basis of an EU 'in or out' referendum.

Boris Johnson led the leave campaign to victory because he really wanted to be prime minister, and now they've won has withdrawn from the leadership contest that could (and more than likely would) get him his PMship, because nobody likes him any more and he didn't have a plan and might have fibbed a bit.  

Michael Gove is now standing for election as Tory party leader, even though he doesn't want to be Tory party leader, because someone has to take charge and everyone else is useless. The Tory party, who are in government, are now fighting amongst themselves rather than govern. Two fingers to the electorate that elected them. Or one big blue middle finger. Same show of contempt either way.

The Labour party are doing everything they can to 'get rid of' Jeremy Corbyn as party leader, because it's his fault entirely that the Remain campaign lost. The same Jeremy Corbyn that didn't want to be party leader because he was busy growing vegetables on his allotment but was put forward anyway and eventually elected by a massive grass roots movement that saw thousands join Labour who never would have otherwise. And now his MP chums don't want him he's going to stay. Awkward or what. 

So Labour, rather than take a united lead and show themselves as fit to govern and come up with a plan, are now fighting amongst themselves. Two fingers to their party members and the electorate that elected them to oppose. Or one big red middle one. Different colour but same contempt.

Then there's the Lib Dems (bless them), the very same Lib Dems who millions voted for at the 2010 election to 'Keep the Tories out' and then, when there was a hung parliament and they had the balance of power, formed a coalition with........... The Tories. Thus letting them in. And then, after suffering a humiliating thrashing at the 2015 election because no one liked them anymore for letting the Tories in, thus allowing the Tories to stay in alone and with a bigger majority, are now attracting an upsurge in membership because people want to get rid of the Tories. 

At some point in the future, maybe sooner, maybe later, there will be another general election and the above parties will all stand and campaign and say they are the only party we can trust and expect us, the general population, to vote for them. And even less of us will, and even more of us will complain.

The very same general population who turned out in their millions to vote in the EU referendum, and chose to leave (based on a few rather large porkies and without a plan) confounding everyone, none more so than the leave campaign themselves, and who then went online to Google exactly what the EU was and what leaving it meant. And the remain campaign got very upset at losing, when they expected to win, and started calling the leave campaign names and blaming everyone else and asking what the plan is. 

And as it turns out, there is no plan. And never was.

So now everyone is upset, not just the one's who wanted to leave, and we're all in a worse position than we were before. Staring isolation and regression directly in the face. We're all calling each other names and blaming everyone else. We're all in it together. All cut from the same cloth. All of us getting what we deserve. 

Do we carry on shouting at each other or do we start talking and listening. And making our own plan.