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Saturday, 26 December 2015

Random Santa Banta

Written for Colchester WriteNight Birthday/Christmas pop up shop evening, Monday 21st December 2015, under the strapline ‘Rules, never heard of them’…….

Some Rather Random Santa Banta

Christmas comes but once a year 
and don’t we bloody know it
It kicks off in October now
an earthquake couldn't slow it

All the shops are sparkly
with their christmas wares on sale
It’s Christmas this and Christmas that
buy this jumper, buy that hat

(Come Christmas eve we’ve had enough
of buying all this bloody stuff)

Santa rides his sleigh at night
his coat all red his beard all white
above the rooftops he will fly
he must have seen some sights

All those stockings on display
all those sparkly balls
I bet his wife is for it
when he gets home from his calls

By night the vampire stalks his prey
and in his coffin sleeps all day
He’ll miss the Christmas rush that way
He’s got his priorities right!

I wonder if he’s ever seen
Santa on his rounds at night
I wonder if he’s ever thought
I’ll give that fat old git a bite

Peace on earth and goodwill to men
(and to women too)
That’s not the vampires way you know
rich or poor, black or white
he’ll feast on your blood any night

And now I come to think of it
have you ever seen
Santa in the same room as
the vampire King, or Queen?

I wonder if, one Christmas eve,
a thousand years ago
Old Santa got more
than he bargained for
under the mistletoe 
All puckered up and ready
for a big wet Christmas kiss
this particular household had
their own idea of bliss

And now on every Christmas eve
he roams the skies at night
Invited into every house
within his spectral sight

Underneath his big white beard
his fangs are ready for a bite
his deep red coat
will hide the sight
of any blood he takes tonight

It really doesn’t matter
if you’ve been bad or good
this fat old nosferatu
will take you where you’re stood

So block up all your chimneys
stay hidden out of sight
and pray to any god you choose
that you will last the night

Come christmas morning if you wake
Jump for joy and celebrate
have a feast fit for a King
all the Christmas carols sing

(make each and every moment last
this Christmas just might be your last)

To one and all my tale is done
I wish you all good cheer
A very merry Christmas
a vampire free new year…..