Random Santa Banta

Written for Colchester WriteNight Birthday/Christmas pop up shop evening, Monday 21st December 2015, under the strapline ‘Rules, never heard of them’…….

Some Rather Random Santa Banta

Christmas comes but once a year 

and don’t we bloody know it

It kicks off in October now

an earthquake couldn't slow it

All the shops are sparkly

with their christmas wares on sale

It’s Christmas this and Christmas that

buy this jumper, buy that hat

(Come Christmas eve we’ve had enough

of buying all this bloody stuff)

Santa rides his sleigh at night

his coat all red his beard all white

above the rooftops he will fly

he must have seen some sights

All those stockings on display

all those sparkly balls

I bet his wife is for it

when he gets home from his calls

By night the vampire stalks his prey

and in his coffin sleeps all day

He’ll miss the Christmas rush that way

He’s got his priorities right!

I wonder if he’s ever seen

Santa on his rounds at night

I wonder if he’s ever thought

I’ll give that fat old git a bite

Peace on earth and goodwill to men

(and to women too)

That’s not the vampires way you know

rich or poor, black or white

he’ll feast on your blood any night

And now I come to think of it

have you ever seen

Santa in the same room as

the vampire King, or Queen?

I wonder if, one Christmas eve,

a thousand years ago

Old Santa got more

than he bargained for

under the mistletoe 

when

All puckered up and ready

for a big wet Christmas kiss

this particular household had

their own idea of bliss

And now on every Christmas eve

he roams the skies at night

Invited into every house

within his spectral sight

Underneath his big white beard

his fangs are ready for a bite

his deep red coat

will hide the sight

of any blood he takes tonight

It really doesn’t matter

if you’ve been bad or good

this fat old nosferatu

will take you where you’re stood

So block up all your chimneys

stay hidden out of sight

and pray to any god you choose

that you will last the night

Come christmas morning if you wake

Jump for joy and celebrate

have a feast fit for a King

all the Christmas carols sing

(make each and every moment last

this Christmas just might be your last)

To one and all my tale is done

I wish you all good cheer

A very merry Christmas

and

a vampire free new year…..