Ding dong Verity is high

To be sung loudly and with good cheer.

Ding dong Verity is high

On fumes of sherry trifle,

Her vajazzle’s gone awry

The lodger got an eyeful.

Poor Gloria, her spanner is at Chelsea’s!

Dean’s got blisters down below

He’s rather well hungen,

He gave a latex doll a go

Then the rash begunen.

Poor Gloria, her spanner is at Chelsea’s!

In church of a Christmastime

Those lusty loud bellringers,

When they’ve dutifully chimed

They’re a bunch of swingers.

Poor Gloria, her spanner is at Chelsea’s!

Poor Gloria, her spanner is at Chelsea’s!

Her spanner is at Chelsea’s!!!

A very merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year filled with light and love and peace and joy to you all.

Random Santa Banta

Written for Colchester WriteNight Birthday/Christmas pop up shop evening, Monday 21st December 2015, under the strapline ‘Rules, never heard of them’…….

Some Rather Random Santa Banta

Christmas comes but once a year 

and don’t we bloody know it

It kicks off in October now

an earthquake couldn't slow it

All the shops are sparkly

with their christmas wares on sale

It’s Christmas this and Christmas that

buy this jumper, buy that hat

(Come Christmas eve we’ve had enough

of buying all this bloody stuff)

Santa rides his sleigh at night

his coat all red his beard all white

above the rooftops he will fly

he must have seen some sights

All those stockings on display

all those sparkly balls

I bet his wife is for it

when he gets home from his calls

By night the vampire stalks his prey

and in his coffin sleeps all day

He’ll miss the Christmas rush that way

He’s got his priorities right!

I wonder if he’s ever seen

Santa on his rounds at night

I wonder if he’s ever thought

I’ll give that fat old git a bite

Peace on earth and goodwill to men

(and to women too)

That’s not the vampires way you know

rich or poor, black or white

he’ll feast on your blood any night

And now I come to think of it

have you ever seen

Santa in the same room as

the vampire King, or Queen?

I wonder if, one Christmas eve,

a thousand years ago

Old Santa got more

than he bargained for

under the mistletoe 

when

All puckered up and ready

for a big wet Christmas kiss

this particular household had

their own idea of bliss

And now on every Christmas eve

he roams the skies at night

Invited into every house

within his spectral sight

Underneath his big white beard

his fangs are ready for a bite

his deep red coat

will hide the sight

of any blood he takes tonight

It really doesn’t matter

if you’ve been bad or good

this fat old nosferatu

will take you where you’re stood

So block up all your chimneys

stay hidden out of sight

and pray to any god you choose

that you will last the night

Come christmas morning if you wake

Jump for joy and celebrate

have a feast fit for a King

all the Christmas carols sing

(make each and every moment last

this Christmas just might be your last)

To one and all my tale is done

I wish you all good cheer

A very merry Christmas

and

a vampire free new year….. 

A Blog About An Art Gallery

I spent an hour or so the other day (Friday actually if you must know) chatting to an ex work colleague and all round good egg Lucy Hook-Child, she of the double barrelled surname and 100% Essex blood running through her veins. Well where else would you expect her blood to run? I ask you.
Lucy has recently opened a new gallery and I was keen to find out a bit more about it. So I paid her a visit and demanded some answers. Well what else is an intrepid blogger, aka nosey bugger, supposed to do?
The gallery in question is called  Hazel Gallery, named after her Nana, a keen artist herself who, coincidentally, was also called Hazel (Not Gallery). Lucy used to spend summer holidays at Nana Hazel's house and was encouraged to take part in her various artistic interests, painting and crafts. Her love of art began here. This inspired her to study for her GNVQ in Art and Design and then a degree at Colchester Institute graduating in 2000. Lucy then worked at Colchester Library where I first knew her (and also knew her Mum and younger sister as they used to visit the mobile library), and a new age shop The Cusp. After a spell of teacher training in Bristol Lucy returned in 2007 to teach on the GNVQ art course back at Colchester Institute until early in 2013 when, faced with reapplying for the job she was already doing saw it as an opportunity to follow her heart and made   the courageous decision to say thanks all the same but no thanks.                                                             
She spent the summer, and her redundancy money, setting up Hazel Gallery in an old newspaper kiosk that used to form part of the also redundant bus station in Colchester, right next to the old waiting room/café. I used to wait for my bus there, many years ago. And more than likely bought a paper or two and some sweets from the kiosk itself  (and probably the odd packet of fags, but don't tell anyone).
It's now a new community initiative designed to regenerate the area from the ground up, by involving the local community, under the banner of St Botolph's Waiting Room or just the Waiting Room, if you want to be informal. And I know you do. It's all very exciting. And there is a magnificent view of the new firstsite gallery and a big red London bus.
She has added a complete new open frontage and inside is a feast of art, Cards, paintings, handmade gifts, bound journals and some of her own work. Well you would, wouldn't you.
Lucy also has her own studio at Cuckoo Farm where her lovely artworks are born. Lucy is a mixed media artist inspired by nature, the environment and music. All stemming from growing up in the countryside and long hours spent admiring trees and the moon.
Oh, and bye the bye, not content with all the above for talent, commitment and general all round clever clogginess (I made that word up),  Lucy also happens to have her Level 1 BSL, that's British Sign Language to you and me. Crikey!
You need to get yourselves down there don't you, for a good look and to do some Christmas shopping. Hazel gallery is open Tuesdays to Saturdays 10am - 6pm. And for good measure this Saturday is the Christmas Art Fair with 'art, craft, vintage and acoustic music all day'. So it's telly off and shopping bags on.

And when you're there, as I know you will be, say hi from me.

Nuff said.